A/N: Can’t believe I just wrote that… I blame the hour!!
*Written for the prompt: any, any, someone who can’t have children and is upset about the ruckus that they make when it comes to male pregnancy By mangacrack on Comment_Fic on LJ
Shipping: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Rating: T
“That’s unfair,” Ed ranted. His arms were crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowed in fury and his entire aura tell everyone to step away. Everyone, but Roy.
The older man let out a tired sigh. “Of course it is, but there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“See? That’s where you’re wrong!” His hands went unfold, instead his right hand pointing at Roy in blame. “I can do whatever I want about it, if you’d just stop being an ass and listen!”
“Ed, I’ve been listening to you for five years already, don’t you think it’s about time you listen to me for a change? What if – “
“Of course not!” Ed cut Roy’s words, not really caring about what he said afterwards. Five years have passed since he retrieved Al’s body from the gate; five years since that bastard Mustang decided to make a move at him, five years since Ed gave in to his former-colonel’s request for a chance, and he hadn’t regretted it once. Not even at their constant fighting. How on Earth they survived so long was beyond him, but the truth was that they were dating for five years exclusively, and were already technically married, even if the law didn’t approve.
Roy’s calm posture was cracking, and Ed could see the lines of anger in his features. This was going to become an all-out lover’s quarrel. Oh well. Their neighbors were already used to that. “Let’s leave all the creepiness out, and let’s leave out also the fact that everyone’s going to go insane if we do something like that, and think rationally about it for a second. We both know that what you’re asking for is human transmutation, and we both know painfully well what the consequences are! Even if it was legal – heck, even if it was possible, I still wouldn’t like to risk either of us! There are other options, Ed!”
“Yeah, but they fuckin’ suck! I don’t wanna ask for favors! And since when do you care about what people think? If you cared you wouldn’t be marrying me!”
Roy let out an annoyed groan. Twenty five years old, and Fullmetal was still as stubborn as he’d been when he was fifteen. “I married you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, that has nothing to do with whatever people think or whether or not you can conceive! If I wanted a child I would’ve dated a woman instead of an annoying brat like you!”
“Oh, so now you regret that you’re with me? Think you could be better off with Hawkeye or something? Is that it?”
Roy gulped. He didn’t mean it to go there, as he knew how dangerous it could be. Ed could be scary when he wanted, and it was even worse when it came to his insecurities, even though Roy did his best to show him every single day how much he loved him in every way possible.
“No, Ed, that’s not what I meant and you know that, but really, if you want to have children so much we can just adopt or something! No need to transmute you a uterus! Just think rationally for a second! Even if we succeeded, how do you think people will look at you when you walk down the street? You hated it when you had automail and that is fairly easy to hide. A pregnancy belly is impossible to conceal.”
“Having a baby is not like missing an arm! There’s nothing to be ashamed about it!”
“Yes, well, both things will come from the same mistake. I’m not going to perform human transmutation for this. End of story.” Roy’s voice was definite, but of course Ed couldn’t just accept it.
“How else are you planning to get me pregnant? Can’t bear kids if I ain’t have a uterus! I would’ve done it myself, but, you know, can’t do alchemy anymore and all that.”
“You’re going to have to settle for the other options you have.”
“But I want to have a baby. Your baby.”
“And I want to be able to have one quiet night with you but you don’t see me complaining. Just suck it up. If you want it to have my genes then I can get it done, if you want it to have yours then go for it, and I don’t even mind we have two if that’d make you happy, but these are the only options you have, Edward.”
“I don’t like them.” Roy was actually relieved at the tone Ed was using now. He still wasn’t calm, that much was clear, and he was definitely not happy with the conclusion, but at least he seemed to accept the fact it simply wasn’t going to be possible.
“Life’s a bitch. Beside, you’d look awful if you were fat. You’d have to give up on sex for, like, five months,” Roy watched with amusement as Ed’s faced turned red – but not angry red as it was embarrassment red - and let out a short chuckle. “Not to mention morning sickness, mood swings – as if you’re not unstable enough already – and weird cravings. Really, you’re better off without it. We can go and see what options we have tomorrow morning, okay? For now let’s just leave the subject alone.”
Ed ‘humph’ed in annoyance, but Roy knew that he managed to convince him. If nothing else, threatening him with no bedroom fun was always the best way to get the young man to do whatever Roy wanted him to, and five months were really, really long time. Truth was, even if it was possible and Ed would have been carrying their joined child, Roy wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off him for too long. But Ed didn’t need to know that. At least he somehow managed to avoid making Ed storm out and spend the night in his brother’s flat.
He sighed, and walked towards the kitchen. “Coffee?“